I am an survivor too, but of very different sort.

Mowgli, Mike would be a perfect guy for you to talk with, and can help you to deals things out what you're going be through right now. Better than I can, because I don't have almost anything be similar to what Mike and you had went be through. Yes, I was bothered a lot by cops before but never arrested for real and went to real prison, and never were an RSO either. (Long story) But I can relate to you and Mike in some ways too. (Mike know my story too) I won't ask why they had raided your home or whatsoever, that's your private business unless you volunteer to let us know what... I can just say one thing... Suicide is not a solution. I don't know what's your religious faith is, or lack thereof, and I am not going to "preach" you about that. Except that I can say that suicide is absolutely against my religious belief because I am afraid that if I do that, I know where I'll end up in, and there'll be no Heaven for me at all. That's how it had kept me be alive for so long since to now... Try to think in that way as I had did. In the end you'll be a very brave survivor still be alive and everything will be alright for you soon. Best I can say to you. Talk to Mike, he'll help you. I know him as my good friend, trust me. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGZ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} too, PPC